Decisions,decisions,decisions!

Whilst I am excited to be receiving my upgrades in october, after waiting 5 years, I am faced with a dilemma: do I have one or two upgrades?

I am really struggling with my second implant and I havent taken to it at all, in fact I haven't worn it all summer, guilt creeps up inside me-thinking of all the wasted time and money the NHS have spent on providing me with the chance to have "two ears". I was the one who decided to have it, I remember wanting to hear better with two ears and have two cool pink implants (at the age of sixteen pink implants are no longer cool!) I remember my audiologist saying to me "it'll be hard to adjust to, it'll be like learning to hear all over again." But of course, I didn't believe her, but looking back on it now I can see she was right. I suppose the reason why I didn't believe her is because I don't remember having my first one and having to adjust it, and I thought having my second one would be easy, that I would adjust really well, that I would be a fond wearer of it, but I obviously didn't understand the full implications of having a second implant, because unfortunately after four and a half years I still don't wear it regularly and consistently.

But do I want to persevere and try? Yes because I know that once I have got used to it and start wearing it consistently and regularly, all day every day, that I will improve in terms of hearing, speech and awareness of others and my surroundings. On the other hand, I am entering my final year at school, preparing for exams. Getting used to the second implant will add make me even more tired. So I ask myself, do I really want the added pressure? Should I wear it? Should I give it back? Or should I simply take a break from it whilst im doing my exams? All these decisions have got to be made, so I'd better get my thinking cap on!